Skin of My Teeth

Oh yeah. Barely here.

I can't believe I made it through the whole day. I worked a full day PLUS saw a private client, then came home... and went to my MRI less than a mile (haha that was a funny paraphasia so I had to leave it) I mean hour later.

Agh! Just lost some hearing in my right ear and got tinnitus. Getting better. At least it's brief when it happens.

So... How did I make it through? Several times I didn't think I would. I went to a school to check in on my favorite students, then I drove to a different building for a two-hour meeting, then I left and stopped at a park between those locations to chat on the phone and rest, then I went back to the first school to check in on a different student... who was at PE, dang it... so I went back in to see my favorites and stayed with them through most of the rest of the school day until my migraine got too bad, then I went to my office to lie down on the floor (and chat with my friend on the phone again), then finished up my work and went to see my private client, then went home and ate dinner, then went to my MRI appointment, and then came home--here I am. Like that run-on sentence? It was a run-on day.

Sometimes I was so weak, I didn't think I could stand. I had to concentrate very hard to drive safely. I definitely prayed a lot.

Lying down at lunch time helped a lot. Unfortunately I forgot to eat--I wasn't hungry, so my stomach didn't remind me. I didn't have the judgment to realize that I should eat regardless of my hunger level. So that probably didn't help my energy level.

But I enjoyed talking to my friend on the phone. She has been my best friend for almost 16 years, and I love her dearly. It was so good to talk to her. We made plans to get together this weekend.

Oh, my spinal headache continued throughout today. It's an odd Catch-22: if I'm standing, it's not bad but then my legs shake and get dangerously weak; if I sit, it's excruciating but I don't need to worry about supporting my body. That's not an easy choice! I did stand for part of my meeting this morning, until I was afraid I'd collapse--that would have made quite a splash with the team.

When I got home from work at 5ish, something small made me cry for a while. It was hard to stop. I just sobbed until I was all sobbed out. But my tears were not done for the day.

At my MRI appointment, the technician stressed me out a little. I was there only for an MRI with contrast, and she wanted to do both with and without. I told her that I thought only with. She said that the order was with and without, and that their radiologist might not be willing to read the "without" films I had brought from a different radiology place. I had brought that because my neurologist told me to! She said they'd need to compare them. And she knew it was from a different place--she told me to change places because this place has a stronger machine than the other place. I wouldn't have minded doing both kinds of MRIs, but the technician warned me that my insurance might refuse to pay, since the other films with less than two weeks ago. I told her that I could not pay. She got all defensive, saying that she was only giving me the information, blah blah blah. I told her that I wished I had known, because I would have just gone back to the first radiology place (or talked with my neurologist about it). She lacked sympathy. I had her check the order, because I was pretty sure it just said with contrast. I was right! So she just did with. Whatever, if their radiologist doesn't compare them I don't care, because Dr. Gabby just wants the "with" ones anyway.

That wasn't why I cried, though. I had commented that the important thing is that I get the films and have the radiologist read the ones with contrast, because that's where the lesions will apparently show up. As the technician was getting ready to inject me with the contrast (and was being nice again), I guessed she was trying to make conversation. She asked what lesions I meant... MS? I said yes. She asked if I got the diagnosis recently. I said yes, on Thursday... and burst into tears. Her assistant rubbed my arm. The technician said she was sorry to ask, that she was just getting medical history. I told her it's fine, that I cry all the time lately. Then I guess she felt sorry for me, because she quit asking questions and apologized genuinely. Her voice was kinder.

I got my MRIs done with only one series repeated. It wasn't my fault, though. I was so still! I was drowning on my saliva sometimes, but there was no way I was going to swallow. It was 8:00 pm, and I wanted to go home. But apparently my crown posts were messing with the contrast, and she did one series three times before giving up and calling it good enough. She said she got enough information, whatever that means. Saw lesions?

A few times I thought I was going to cry during the MRI, but I kept it together by thinking of boring things. First I recited the Greek alphabet. It's very familiar, like reciting the days of the week for most people. My Latin teacher used to drill us on the Greek alphabet, forward and backward. She was a freak. Anyway, after I recited it (1 minute down, 44 to go), I decided to go through and see if I could think of English words that sound like or contain the Greek letters. Like delta is a river delta. Nu sounds like new. Et cetera. That didn't take long. I couldn't think of words for 11 of the letters. Ugh, that didn't take long. Then I decided to make words with the names of the letters, like epsilon would be silo, lion, pile, etc. That was harder, so it kept me busy for a while. I was proud of myself with iota... oat! I felt smart again, which made me happy, so I didn't feel like crying anymore. I did, however, feel like sleeping.

So now I'm home. I'm tired. I took an Excedrine Migraine pill, which doesn't seem to be working. I don't think I can take one tomorrow, because they have caffeine--common sense says that would alter my reaction time and therefore the test results. I could be wrong, but I'm not taking the chance that my test could be canceled. I'll bring them with me, though.

Wow, I am super excited to see my friend this weekend! But for now, time for bed. Fingers crossed that I can sleep all night. Last night I woke up several times and went back to sleep every time except when I woke up at 5:30. So I've been up since 5:30 am. Honestly, I'm not even sleeping enough for a regular person, much less someone with MS. No wonder I'm falling apart.