My First Wheelchair

I guess it technically was not my first ride in a wheelchair--just my first wheelchair ride outside of a hospital.

Today my best friend wanted to buy some new clothes. She lost weight! I was really not up to it, after one of the worst weeks ever. So I borrowed a wheelchair from guest services. It worked out great.

My main issues are fatigue, dizziness, some vertigo, poor balance, difficulty walking (kind of ataxic), and decreased sensation in my left foot, leg, and buttock. Or crazy pain. It goes back and forth.

But I also have a mild sore throat. Maybe I am normal-people-sick, which is making my MS flare up? Too bad it is a holiday weekend, and my doctor comes in late on Tuesdays. I will not be seen for at least three days, maybe a lot longer. Hopefully I will feel better by then. I have felt absolutely awful since Monday--six days.

Oh, I also have a headache. Not a migraine which I had for eight continuous hours yesterday, after I took a full Nuvigil. I was glad that my heart did not pound and my hands did not shake, but the migraine was pretty awful. I did have a bit more energy than I would have otherwise, and I was walking better. But I spent the day sitting down, mostly writing email (seriously, almost all day). I need to weigh the pros and cons of taking Nuvigil. Including the fact that it is a stimulant with the possibility of dependence.

While my friend pushed me through the mall and through stores, some people stared. I felt weird and a uncomfortable with the attention. I do not generally look for attention. I remembered my yoga teacher commenting that standing in tadasana or sitting with that kind of alignment demonstrates confidence. I decided to sit up straight and smile at people, especially children. They were closer to my level! I felt happy, because I was able to stay in the mall for three hours, and I doubt I would have lasted 30 minutes on my feet, even with my cane. My arms were not strong enough to wheel myself more than a few feet, but my friend did not mind pushing me. It was a good experience for both of us.

Used My Cane and Got Attacked by a 3-Year-Old

Today I finally tried out my cane at mall. I ended up stopping to google how to use a cane--the Mayo clinic had some good information on their website. Ah, match it up with the weaker leg but in the opposite hand. And use it on either side if just for balance. Got it.

Things went much more smoothly after I actually knew how to use it.

I loved it!

People totally treated me as disabled, which I sometimes was a little embarrassed about. But mostly it was a big relief. They got out of my way! I was much less stressed. Usually I become very irritable when I have to walk around, especially in crowds, but I did not become stressed at all today. I still had to stop and rest once, because I was tired, but overall I felt the cane made things easier. I walked in a straight line instead of a wobbly line, lol.

So that was good, but unfortunately I had kind of a rough day. I was tired and sickly all day. Not nauseated, but heavy-headed. Mild vertigo.

It did not help when I was attacked this morning by a three-year-old. Kicking, hitting, biting, pulling hair, and scratching--she actually drew blood. Delightful. Managing her tantrum really took it out of me. I passed the tantrum management on to her teacher.

I tried to practice the piano this evening, because I said I would play on Sunday. It is really an exercise in frustration, because I suck. Sometimes. And it has nothing to do with how much I practice. I ran through it two weeks ago and was awful. I ran through it on Sunday and sounded great. Today I was awful again. It just depends on how my nerves are working. With it being a combination of processing (reading music is like doing math, in a way), fine motor, gross motor, and proprioception, there are quite a few things that could go wrong.

Sensory:

-Pins and needles: 5, so bad during a meeting this afternoon that it felt like my leg was squeezing itself. Pins and needles or paresthesias? Hard to tell the difference sometimes. Or is it numbness?

-Tingles: 0

-Dysesthetic pain: 5 during that meeting, but I was due to take a pill

-Paresthesias: 5, see above

-Numbness: 1

-Vision: 2, mild eye pain, blurry off and on, especially when physically working hard or feeling fatigued

-Nerve pain: 4

-Hearing: 1, some very mild tinnitus

Motor:

-Walking: 4, very wobbly, unsteady, weak

-Sore muscles: 3

-Fine motor: 1

-Weak muscles: 6

-Spasticity: 5

Cognitive:

-Processing: 1

-Memory: 1, forgot my visiting teacher was coming over. Did not check my calendar after work, because I "knew" I had nothing this evening. That is the problem with cognitive impairment. It makes me dumb!

-Attention: 1

-Confusion: 0

General:

-Fatigue: 9

-Balance: 1

-Sleep: 1

-Bladder: 0

-Proprioception: 1

Emotions: Suck. Emotions suck. I am doing okay, though.