Definitely on Avonex

Today was hard. I became tired so easily, and my leg muscles were weak, especially in my right quads.

In addition to the pain and whatever else I struggled with today, I just felt SICK. I think it was the fatigue. Fatigue makes such a difference on how I feel.

In the early afternoon, I spoke with Alyssa from Dr. Rick's office (the clinical study). She commented that my symptoms on Friday night were classic Avonex symptoms. I knew that, but the confirmation was disappointing. The last of my hope for the new drug was extinguished. So much for a double-blind study, by the way.

Alyssa agreed that my symptoms yesterday were not likely related to the injections on Friday. I should see how things go and let them know how I feel at the end of the week. But if I get worse, I should let them know.

Sensory:
-Pins and needles: 3
-Tingles: 1
-Dysesthetic pain: 4
-Paresthesias: 4, I had some electric shocks this morning, not as many this afternoon.
-Numbness: 2, the usual
-Vision: 1, blurry off and on
-Nerve pain: 1
-Hearing: 0

Motor:
-Walking: 4
-Sore muscles: 6
-Fine motor: 2
-Weak muscles: 6, stairs were very difficult, as was getting up, walking
-Spasticity: 5, right leg

Cognitive:
-Processing: 2
-Memory: 2
-Attention: 0
-Confusion: 1

General:
-Fatigue: 7
-Balance: 1
-Sleep: 3
-Bladder: 1
-Proprioception: 1
-Swallowing: 0
-A: 0
-B: 6

Emotions: Pretty close to the surface all day. I am often more emotional when I feel worse. I collapsed in tears after work. I cried because I was over-tired, and I cried because I was processing the fact that I am definitely in the Avonex group. I allowed myself to feel disappointed and let down that I am not on daclizumab, as I had hoped. But I also did some self talk or something--not sure what it is called. Thinking that if I were not in the study, I probably would have chosen Avonex over the other three drugs I was offered. It was not what I wanted, but I would have been stuck with it. At least I have the monthly monitoring and free care that the study offers. I am still convinced that this is all part of Heavenly Father's plan for me. I told Alyssa something along those lines on Friday, that I guess MS was something I needed to make me a better person.