Second Shrink Visit

I saw the shrink again today. I hope she's going to help me at some point. So far she just asks how things are going ("Did you have any doctor visits this week?"), listens, and says things like, "That must be so hard." Oh, and watches me cry. I feel like any friend could do that.

She does take notes. I wonder what she will do with that information. Hopefully help me. She did say one thing that made me think. "You've always been so compliant."

True. I'm not out to make waves. My first instinct is to do as I'm told. Be a good child. A good student clinician. A good friend/girlfriend. A good patient--accept what the doctor says.

I want to change that! At least in the context of doctors. I want to ask more questions, disagree verbally when I disagree inwardly, and generally take more ownership of my treatment. I think I have improved. I argued with Dr. Gabby until she gave in and wrote me a referral. I bugged her until she got my paperwork in to Acthar. I told her to STOP interrupting; I was not finished speaking. But it's easier to be assertive with a combative person.

Wait, that doesn't make any sense. I wonder why I can be more assertive with a combative person. And I think I can be more assertive with a person that I have little respect for. It's harder to be assertive with a rational, respectable person--in fact, I really have not disagreed with someone like that. That's why I let Dr. Ronnie walk all over me. Hm. I do need to improve.

I need to stop and think: Is this really what I want? Ask that question before I agree.

Maybe the shrink is helping. I don't know. I cried through the entire session and did not feel better afterward. Maybe that's normal and I shouldn't have the expectation of feeling better at the end of a session. I don't really know what to expect from a psychologist.