I Gave In, and It Felt Good

Today, for the first time, I canceled an activity because of my MS.

I have been putting a lot less on my calendar, knowing that I do not have the energy to do everything I used to do. However, once something was on my calendar, I would not cancel it. I have pushed and killed myself to get all of my obligations done, including social obligations.

I was supposed to go to a "welcome back from Afghanistan" dinner party this evening. It was for the family I saw yesterday, whose children I babysat (with a friend). Today I was doing poorly for part of the morning, got better, and then got worse. I saw barely able to move this afternoon, I was so tired. An hour before the party, my friend found me in bed, where I had been for a couple of hours. I had been reading but got too tired for that, so I was just lying there. My friend suggested that maybe I should call and say that I was not feeling up to it.

I really did not want to do that. I wanted to see them! It was not going to be a fancy party--could I not make it through?

I realized that I could not.

After I canceled (and they were very understanding, knowing that I have MS), I felt such relief. I could bum around the house, resting up for another work week.

I need to practice saying no. No, I cannot do that. No, I am not up to it. It is hard, though, because I crave company. I have absolutely changed that way. No more a loner, I want to be with people. I do not know how to balance my need for company with my need for rest.