Tough Day But Good Memories

I am not having a great day, health-wise. But I am pretty happy, and I enjoyed seeing my Little Doll today. Oh, you do not know you Little Doll is?

Little Doll is my darling student, who is selectively mute. She can talk but anxiety makes her clam up. I was the first person she spoke to outside of her family. I have written about Little Doll before, probably last fall.

Since that experience last fall where Doll fell off her bike and I stayed to comfort her, rocking her until Mom showed up, Mom has loved me. I told her about my MS--the only parent I have told. She cried for me. She is so sweet. And she is a nurse, so she knows a bit about what this might mean for me.

Mom and I keep in touch regularly, because I have her working on things at home with Doll. Sometimes I visit their house to teach Mom how to work with Doll. Last week I totally spaced sending her the work for that week, and I ended up trying it for the first time in the classroom with Doll. One on one, then with some other kids around. My heart burst with love and pride when [after first trying to refuse] Doll put herself out there and attempted what I asked her to do. As I was leaving, I took her aside to tell her how proud I was of her and what a big girl she is.

I emailed Mom about it, and we ended up going back and forth for a while. I admitted that I love Little Doll. She said that Doll knows it, and she only tried something new that day because she trusts me. Apparently Doll had bragged about me being proud of her. Mom said that I am special to their family. And that both Doll and she are not ready to lose me in the fall. I said that they cannot lose me that easily.

I hope we can keep in touch. I really like Mom and would enjoy being friends with her. And of course I love Doll dearly. I love hearing her quiet "I wuv you."

Today I met Mom at the child's school at drop-off time to teach her something. As she was leaving, she grabbed my arm and just rubbed it briefly. That simple gesture was touching, and it made me feel special and... noticed? I don't know. When Mom volunteers at the school, she arranges it for days I will be there, and she helps me get up, looks on carefully when we dance during music, etc. She is just very sweet, and today she and her Little Doll brightened my day.

On to a less fun part of the day...

Today I had a PT session with a different PT. I have worked with her a couple of times before and did not really care for her. She is alright. Today she was giving me a hard time about not doing my exercises on days that I do not have PT. I am usually so tired! I barely make it through work. I am overwhelmed by life. And even when I am not exhausted, I forget. So this PT had me set calendar reminders on my phone for it.

She also had me work a little on my posture, explaining that I hold my shoulder blades way too far apart, which causes my head to drop forward. It is straining my neck and back muscles. It was good to know, because I have had them work on my shoulders and upper back, but I have wondered why I keep getting out of whack. After the PT session, I tried to remember to pull my shoulder blades closer together. That helped more than thinking, "Sit up straight." I think. I hope I get to work with my regular PT on Thursday.

I cried a little today during PT. I am frustrated, because I feel like I am always playing catch up and always will. A relapse hits, even a minor one like this, and my body is once again a limp noodle. I am afraid it will always be that way. It is discouraging to work so hard just to be a little worse than I was before. I can see that it is better than letting myself go and becoming disabled more quickly, but it is still frustrating.

Sensory:

-Pins and needles: 4
-Tingles: 2
-Dysesthetic pain: 7
-Paresthesias: 3, some electricity

-Numbness: 4, legs falling asleep quickly when I sit cross-legged. Too bad I sit cross-legged frequently.
-Vision: 1, blurry this morning but better now
-Nerve pain: 3
-Hearing: 1

Motor:
-Walking: 2-5, weird fluctuations in my weakness, walking, and fatigue today. I guess they're all related.
-Sore muscles: 4

-Spasticity: 4, arms and legs
-Weak muscles: 6

-Endurance: 7

-Fine motor: 0

Cognitive:
-Processing: 0
-Memory: 1
-Attention: 1
-Confusion: 0

General:
-Fatigue: 8, was 9 much of the morning and again in the early evening
-Balance: 0

-Vertigo: 0

-Sleep: 0, eight hours

-Bladder: 1, medication
-Proprioception: 0
-Swallowing: 0
-A: 0
-B: 5

Emotions: So happy with Little Doll and her mom.