Yet Another Nuvigil Test

Today was similar to the last time I took Nuvigil. Maybe a little better.

I took it at 7:00 am. The morning was not bad, with enough energy to work (mostly sitting, admittedly). I had dry mouth and shakiness. I had to have something in my mouth all day, because the dry mouth is so uncomfortable, and it makes my throat hurt. And it keeps me from being able to talk much. Oh, and I had no appetite, but that is not totally undesired. As long as I remember to eat.

Around noon the anxiety started. I was trying to analyze it, because it is not what I think of as anxiety. Not heat in my chest. I think it might be panic. Or maybe just more severe anxiety than I have ever felt.

Around 2:00, the fatigue started. But it is different than my usual MS fatigue. It is a special MS-Nuvigil blend, I guess, because it has the anxiety/shaky flavor to it. Still some dizziness with the fatigue, but not as much today.

I still have that feeling, so I am thinking about it. I am getting more and more tired. My eyelids and my head are heavy. But I can still sit up. I feel like I want to scream, writhe, scratch myself, something. Maybe that is from panic? I feel like I am white knuckling it ("it" what?). I feel something weird about my skin--oversensitive? And I am getting a headache now.

My body becomes harder to control as the day goes on. I think it is the shakes.

Leaving work at 4:00, I had the usual decision of "Should I park nearby and rest?" Of course I decided to go straight home, which is what I always decide. When I got home, I was too tired to cook. But I did not have to push to make each step from the car to the house.

I never know how my day would have gone, so it is always hard to say how much this drug helps. I think it did help me have more energy. I usually get more dizzy in the afternoon, have more difficulty getting up and walking, and cannot sit up after work. Would today have been a good day anyway? Who knows.

I would not want to feel this way every day. But I also do not want to feel my MS fatigue every day. The fact that this is a hard decision, despite the side effects and still not feeling terribly energetic, says something about how miserable that MS fatigue is. I am actually considering whether shakiness, anxiety, panic, dry mouth, and the skin thing are worth the small improvement in energy.

I just hope I can sleep tonight. It seems like it wears off after 10/11 hours--I am going downhill fast now. But last time I had the dry mouth until past 1:00 in the morning, so it was still affecting me.

Hm, the skin thing. I do not know if it is skin exactly. I feel like I would like to be squeezed, so maybe I will wrap a blanket tightly around myself. Hm. That makes me think of kids with autism, how they like to be squeezed or squished. Sensory seeking. Maybe it is my sensory system.