Mercury, Sleep, and Liberty Jail

I had such a decent morning yesterday, but then it all went downhill. That was disappointing. Oh, well.

Last week I had a blood test for mercury poisoning, at my request. The symptoms have some overlap with MS. I got the results this morning, and my mercury levels are in the low normal range. That was also disappointing, because mercury poisoning is somewhat fixable. MS is not. Oh, well.

There was something I wanted to blog about last night, but I was too tired and depressed. Now I cannot remember what it was!

My word, I am so tired. I got up very early to ride into the city with my friend and interpret for her audiology appointment. I did go to bed early so that I would get eight hours of sleep, but I need more. I read that people with MS need 8-10 hours of sleep during times of remission, 14-16 hours during relapses. Goodness! That sounds about right, though. I am inept at napping, but I do try to lie down sometimes when I am super exhausted. 

Fatigue stinks. Today is another cloudy, scratched bead. 

I saw two of my students from last year, which was fun. I helped a mom feel good about giving her mommy instinct to give her child more attention while he is sick. The child is frequently sick. I guess dad says not to baby the child. Poor mom was feeling guilty about giving a sick child extra attention.

Oh! I know what I wanted to write about yesterday.

My shrink suggested reading Elder Holland's talk about Liberty Jail. It was good. Now I forget what exactly I wanted to say about it, but I did want to write about it. 

I liked the reminder that God really hears our prayers, sees us, loves us. But I did NOT like the reminder that when hard, lonely times come, we need to endure. That stinks! It is hard to feel like God loves me when my body is falling apart, I feel scared and lonely, and my prayers are not answered.

Some of my prayers are answered. But the big ones are not.

Of course I have wondered what I did that was so bad that I deserve MS as punishment. So I liked the section called "Even the Worthy Will Suffer." I do not think of myself as very worthy, but I can see that if totally innocent people suffer, so could I. Maybe it is not constructive to think that I have done something wrong or wonder why this is happening. But I cannot help thinking that if I could figure out why it is happening, I could stop it. Somehow.

And I again reviewed my patriarchal blessing and reminded myself why I am on earth. I have two very clear purposes, as well as another related to one of those two. I can still do those things, even with a deteriorating body. The hard thing is doing them AND working. I do not know how to do other things than work, because it wears me out.

Today I have an earache. What the heck? I was incredibly painful for a couple of hours this morning. Now it feels better. I made an appointment with my internist, Dr. Rob, for tomorrow. Since it feels better now, I do not know if I should go, but I think I will. I would not want that feeling to recur.

Oh! One lady at church works in the office next to Dr. Gabby's new office. Weird... Crazy Dr. Gabby, she sure made things hard on me last year!