Where Did the Good Times Go?

I woke up a few times last night and probably got a total of 6.5 hours of sleep. I got up feeling poorly, which is the way I've felt all day.

I feel shaky and exhausted. Not terribly tingly. Not too sore.

The main problem today is forgetfulness. My thoughts are gone the minute they pop into my head. I've been relying heavily on my cell phone notes app to keep track of my thoughts.

Also, I'm having more swallowing problems than usual. I cough stuff up after every swallow. But I guess it's okay, since I'm coughing it up. I'm not having difficulty breathing, so I don't suppose I have pneumonia. If I were an SLP evaluating someone like me, I wouldn't limit intake, which is why I haven't gone for an eval.

By the time I got to my neurology appointment at noon, I was seriously ready for a nap. My appointment was short--10 minutes. Dr. Barry did the pinprick thing, which I passed. Walking, which I guess I passed, because he didn't comment. My EEG showed no evidence of seizures. Hardy surprising. My MRI showed white spots on my brain, but the spots didn't take up the contrast, which apparently contraindicates multiple sclerosis. I was surprised by that, because I didn't think an MRI alone was conclusive evidence for or against MS. I thought it had to be considered in conjunction with other tests. The neurologist said that my MRI looked like that of a person who suffers from migraines. I told him that I do not get migraines. In fact, I rarely get headaches at all. He didn't comment.

He wants to see me back in two months. "Have a good summer!"

Uhhh... Wait, what just happened here?

How am I supposed to have a good summer when I can't handle heat and frankly have difficulty walking and thinking? I am barely making it through four hours of work every day. I'm going to get a second opinion. Or find another primary care doctor. I don't know that neurology is the answer, but I do know that something is wrong with me. It's been seven weeks, with no end in sight.

I hate to admit it, but sometimes I am honestly not safe to drive. My judgment is poor and I have to focus hard to manage impulses. I can't think of the right word for that. Not manage. Not control. Not cancel. But that idea. There's a word for it.

I went to the grocery store to refill my gabapentin prescription (thank goodness I get to keep taking it), and I decided to wait while they refilled it. I was afraid I'd forget to pick it up tomorrow. I survived 45 minutes on my feet in the store. I had a second wind, or maybe more like a breeze. A short breeze, which blew out after I got home. Carrying the groceries into the house wore me out.

I'm about ready to eat lunch now.

Oh, and I don't really have an appetite today. It's 2:30, and I'm eating even though I'm not really hungry.